I like riding on the bus, always at least a few good stories to blog about, characters, what have you.

Sometimes a poem, song lyrics will enter my mind, and I’ll open Memo on my phone and write.

And the best part, here in Butte, it’s free!

Grant provided entertainment.

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People in the big city pay big bucks for such entertainment; add the five dollar chicken I’ll be buying later on tonight with the two dollar beer, I’m a very cheap date.

I love myself so very much.

Anyways, today, I jumped on my favorite moving theater, ole Montana Tech, 9:55 AM to head up to my favorite library in the whole world.

I check my emails, look for work, look for a place to live, and other fun stuff.

I settle into a front seat and lady across from me(we’ll call Nut Job but her real name is Carole Anne Stephenson!!(kidding, don’t know her last name!!) is in conversation with bus driver.

His name is Al.

Seriously.

I’ve encountered Nut Job before in my travels on the city bus.

She fancies herself a “Champion of the People” going to town meetings, writing letters to the editor, etc. etc.

She also states “I am  a Good Christian!”

In my findings, I have discovered that anyone who self describes and announces that they are a Good Christian, really are not.

I know for a fact I am not a “Good Christian” and need not announce it to the world.

As the bus continues to move, pass the Walmart store, Nut Job is apparently angry at Al.

“What is Gary’s number?” she hisses.

Gary is apparently the big boss.

“I gave you the public number. Call that!” Al throws back.

When I grow up, I want to be like Al.

Nut Job dials number.

Apparently leaves message.

She hangs up.

“All I did was ask about the engine efficiency! And you got rude! Very rude! I HATE rude people!”

Al wants to kick her off bus.

Literally.

Apparently, Nut Job didn’t like the air in the bus.

Al politely(okay, as politely as Al gets!!! He mean old man!! Did I say when I grow up, I want to be like Al? If not, oh yes I do!!!) tells her to stop being so rude.

She continues this rant.

Then when Al finally gets a wee bit pissy, she turns into sweet innocent person.

“Stop talking to me! This is harassment!!  Stop!”

Al continues because well, Nut Job continues.

I actually know for a fact, I’m already like Al in that manner.

Finally Nut Job turns and begins talking to Nice Lady next to her.

“I just cannot stand rude people! I’m a Good Christian, go to Mass every day and never hurt even a flea!!”

I want to get off bus at this point.

Al decides to stop bus(he’s ahead of schedule!!!) at stop, gets off and never comes back.

Just kidding, he returns with a sandwich.

Nut Job is preaching, talking to Nice Lady about her social security and fighting for it.

Nut Job can be nice.

I think “Drama is over!”

Nut Job asks me if I have a pen so she can give Nice Lady her contact info but Nice Lady has one.

Nice Lady gets off bus at transportation center but sadly, Nut Job stays on.

Al sighs too.

Sorry Al, today is your Hell Day!!

We begin again, up the hill!

“I seen you!! You took your hands off the wheel!! NO FOOD ALLOWED ON THE BUS!!!!” She says again.

Al stays quiet.

“I can say something because you have my life in your hands…..”  she snaps pic of him on her cell phone.

Psst. Note to all – there are cameras, live video, on the buses.

I want that video!!

Al finally says, “Lady, I’ve been driving these buses for well over 20 years! Ice, snow, all of it!! My driving record is spotless!”

“Maybe you need a desk job!! STOP TALKING TO ME!! HARASSMENT!!!”

Nut Job calls Gary again.

Gary smart, he doesn’t answer.

I believe Al informed Gary at transportation hub of Nut Job.

Finally, after another 15 minutes of this, my stop is close.

I pull the string, and begin to stand.

I was going to just tell Al, as I exited the bus, “Thanks Al! You’re one of the best drivers I’ve known….” but as I begin my entry into Nut Theater, Nut Job begins to speak to me.

“Would you like to go to Mass at St. Pats with me?”

“No thanks lady, I no good Christian!! I love Satan and heavy metal music!!!”

I tell Al he a good guy, best driver.

Nut Job gets off bus with me.

“Only God is good!!” she says to me.

“No way lady, if what you did on the bus is any indication of your God, no thanks!! It was very rude and uncalled for! Now STOP TALKING TO ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

She silently walked away to St. Pat’s church.

God stopped me before I entered the library.

“Jason, that lady is a bitch!”

Yes she is, God, yes she is.

“I’ll call Gary…”

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